In the Mind of This Mumma
A poem by Mama Tribe member, Rheenie Rowe, about the multi-faceted experience of motherhood.
She’s the lady you see smiling, who’d dance in the rain,
But inside, she is empty and just wishing to feel like herself again
She struggles to keep on top of things, always chasing her tail.
But she’s scared to ask for help – in case she gets rejected when she feels too frail!
Finally she reaches breaking point. She starts to yell and curse,
But yelling at her loved ones breaks her heart. It’s made things worse.
She is the mum who chooses to work and put her child in paid care,
But she’s her worst critic and tortures herself for not being there.
She now uses any spare time to spend it all with her child,
But then falls behind in everything else and her laundry is highly piled!
She decides to hire a cleaner because, surely, she’s about to sink
But that only makes her feel like a failure. What will everyone else think?
She compares herself to her mother, who seemed to do it all,
But her self expectations constantly cause her to fall.
She questions her friendships, because they haven’t spoken in a while,
And then sees some together, and although gutted, she forces a smile.
She knows her friends are there for her, if she’d just reach out and ask.
She’s just longing for someone to notice what’s behind her mask.
She doesn’t want to burden them with what goes on inside her head,
If only she had the courage to tell them she’s holding on by a thread.
She is trapped in her mind again and tries to drown it out with Netflix shows.
But that only helps for a moment… Down the rabbit hole she goes!
She takes everyones’ actions as personal attacks on her,
So she shuts down again and her angry reactions occur!
The anger is her safe place; sadness only makes her feel weak,
But really, she wishes she was brave enough to open up and speak.
In her heart she knows its false and there’s so much help around,
But when her thoughts start spiralling it’s hard to find stable ground!
She doesn’t feel worthy to be a friend, a mother or a wife,
She hasn’t been committed to this hectic race called life!
In between these dark days she makes sure she enjoys the best part,
Days filled with laughter, love and memories that overflow her heart.
Even though her own mum seemed perfect in her eyes,
She wonders, what did she sacrifice?
Now, she has her own child who thinks just as much of her,
One that looks up to her and knows there isn’t another she’d prefer!
She always longed to be a mum and be a child’s first choice,
Now is the time to grow and be proud to share her voice!
Even on the bad days when it’s hard for her to find inner peace,
This mumma’s trying so hard to make her negative thoughts decrease!